Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Watch as I skip the post about dating my husband

Allow me to momentarily degrade myself. It's the prelude that justifies my forthcoming admission of my super human strengths.

In comparison to my spouse, I have a lousy immune system. In comparison to the world, I lack coordination.
  • I was the child who came down with strep throat after every sleep over,
  • Was written a prescription for glasses at the age of three (thick pink rims and lenses that were as wide as a magnifying glass),
  • came down with bronchial Pneumonia before the age of ten,
  • has a face that attracts stray soccer, baseballs and basketballs whenever I spectate a sport
  • fell off a horse and landed herself a concussion in the third grade,
  • had her gall bladder removed six weeks after delivering Eliza
  • AND scored herself an awesome case of mono during her Senior year of high school. Andrew was two months away from leaving on his mission and at the time, we were definitely kissing buddies. Despite the frequent "contact", he stayed healthy and well (AND MORALLY CHASTE!). Sorry, I had to add that in for when my kids read this blog.
Andrew's super human strength is keeping himself immune from my ailments, his work ethic and ability to laugh at my insanity. Not to mention, he functions on less sleep.Having a Mom who has survived cancer and watching a younger brother endure 5 open heart surgeries, I know that I have LITTLE to complain about in the health department. It was the prelude to the boasting fest... remember?

I use to have a super human metabolism and super human bad eating habits. If you want to know why I have so much black in my closet, it's because i'm still mourning the loss. I'm in the process of coping . It's shaking off my super human lack of motivation to exercise that's proven to be the issue there.

Now for the positive. I have super human hair that grows wicked fast. My hair is thick, brown and versatile. My eye lashes are likewise plentiful. My sister recently reminded me that I had a hairy back as a child (THAT'S NO LONGER TRUE!!) and I remember as an elementary student LOATHING the hair on my arms. Before the days of desiring a chin, I wanted hairless arms.

Belonging to the same "dead cells that make things grow" family, are fingernails. My nails have always grown quickly and (for whatever reason) are totally strong. They're almost weapon like! This gift has blessed me with super human back scratching powers; a skill that most certainly belongs on my resume.

The inspiration behind this lamest of lame posts occurred after I accidentally snagged Henry's ear with my thumb nail. I was chasing him down after he swiped a crayon. His mischievous smile made his intent to autograph the wall obvious. One thing led to another, and my weapon like finger nail accidentally made contact. I can't find the mark, am certain he's recovered and at this moment, he is playing in the bucket of blocks with his sister.

Henry's super human strength is his laugh and ability to charm the world.
Eliza's super human strength is her ability to befriend just about anyone.

Andrew took the kids to the park while I grocery shopped last night. As I began quizzing Eliza about the park, she excitedly told me about her new friends. Andrew jumped into explain that two 10 year old girls wouldn't let her go down the slide. Eliza, recognizing these girls for what they were (an audience), sat down on the step below and began doing what she does best. Talking. It wasn't long before she won them over and became their third wheel for the remainder of the evening.

I just finished the final installment in the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld. Has anyone else read them? The third book, Specials, could also have something to do with today's entry. I just have to say that I was a little miffed that Tally chose the boy she chose (not wanting to give anything away) in the second book. I'd probably receive more feedback if I was talking to a group of 8th graders.

What are your super human abilities?

10 comments:

A and M's Mom said...

I remember Grandma showing me a picture of a three year old you in thick glasses. I thought you were adorable! My super human strength is my "Mom Reflexes." I can grab a child out of the way of a swing in the blink of an eye. It amazes my friends who don't have kids.

AnnEE said...

I used to have super boobs, but I guess they're gone now. :p

I like to think I'm super witty. I'm also pretty smart.

Now, would you like to come over and test out those super human nails on me? I'm a sucker for a good back scratch, you know.

BTW- You're beautiful.

Ashley said...

I have read the Uglies series, I wasn't a huge fan of the last book I will be honest. And I remember that you and me both always had awesome strong weapon like nails, go us! :)

B-dizzle said...

I would have to be with Andrew on the immune system. I rarely get sick. I have a super power to handle my "special time." But, I guess so do every other person on the earth.
-Betty

Christi said...

I have inherited the super pooping ability of going at least three times a day. Josh inherited my ability, too. Gross, but that's all I can think of.

jamie t. said...

I loved this post! You make me smile Ali. I also love your friends who are willing to admit they love their boobs and are great poopers :)

My skill has to be that I can find a way to strike up a conversation with just about anyone I meet.

Heidi said...

Um.. not sure I have any abilities... but I have fake teeth. Does that count? You make me chuckle. :)

Shipley said...

Your kids are super cute. I miss them already. My super human ability is that I can make a 1/2 gallon of limited edition Dreyers chocolate ice cream with chocolate mint girl scout cookie chunks disappear in two days by myself! Sara

Nikki said...

I loved the Uglies series. I was miffed too!!!

You look great in all the pictures!

Michelle said...

You guys do have pretty cool super powers. As for me, my super power comes in the bedroom Use your imagination!