Friday, November 5, 2010

My version of Black Friday

At this moment, my sweet Mother is on a westbound plane.

Destination: Far away from my house.

Please excuse my redundancy, the sad tone of today's post and my lost ability to formulate proper sentences. I am so tired. So is Lottie.

And I miss my Mom.

I expected her departure would feel like this.

With her visits, I've learned that the last two days she's here are just plain sad. You can hear the plane's engine revving in the back of your mind as you realize her time's just about up. If I want a solid week of her being here, we need to schedule her trip for one week, plus two days. Yesterday, I blamed my mood on baby blues and feeling tired - and perhaps they were both contributing factors - but oh how my heart ached as I watched my Mom kiss Eliza and Henry goodnight; both of us not knowing when we'd see each other again.

Exiting Andrew's lap before his bedtime story was finished, Henry made his way to my Mom for a big squeeze.

"I want to come with you." He repeated to her over and over. Earlier in the evening, while making dinner together, Eliza insisted,

"Nana, you can come back to my house in four more sleeps. Okay?!" Watching her kiss the top of Lottie's freshly washed head, another batch of tears begin to spill. Lottie will be a completely different baby at their next reunion. I'm doing my best to keep it together in front of my kids but somehow, my mood is always on their radar.

Before tucking him in, Henry looked at me and asked,

"Are you going to cry, Mom?" Lucky for me, I got a flu shot yesterday. Pointing to my band-aid, I blamed my tearful expression on that hurt.

Now that I've fully dramatized my disaster-like state, I have to express my gratitude for the time we did have. This visit didn't involve a charming trip to Charleston, the beach or the musical, Wicked. It was simple, probably a little mundane but so incredibly appreciated by me and my family.

It began with a late night introduction.

And evolved into a week of first time errands, afternoon naps, play time with Eliza and Henry, doctor's appointments and lots of this.It was "thrilling" to report to family back home that her days involved a stop at the library, flu shots for the family, a trip to the grocery store and Lottie's two week doctor appointment
(For the record: she weighed 8 lbs.
She's gained over a pound
and grown an inch
since leaving the hospital.
What a good girl!)

Feeling ambitious, we kept Eliza home from preschool to spend a morning at Hearts of Clay. Getting our "crazy on" - we then headed to Costco for Christmas shopping and lunch.

I'd forgotten how awesome it is to nurse your baby in the front seat of your car. Thankfully, Lottie likes the car and is content as long as it is moving. Let's pray this continues.

Knowing I could take a daily time out was a sigh of mental relief. Sending me up to bed to tend to my wakeful child was another selfless act. Enduring the spit up and the additional pleasantries associated with a newborn adjusting to life with a functioning bowel system was also appreciated.
The giving continued each day as she'd hide a small gift for Eliza and Henry to find. Before offering them a clue to their presents, she reinforced how helpful and wonderful they are. I couldn't agree with her more. It was a highlight each day.

As for Lottie, I'm in love with the blanket she made her.

It's the polka dottie Lottie blanket.

Eliza and Henry sure basked in the glow of her attention: puzzles, stories, art projects, blocks, etc. With all that being said, you can probably understand my sadness. And while I'm having regular moments of, "Oh my heck, I have three kids" - the feelings I'm struggling with stem from the change that will occur between now and next time. I feel like I have to apologize to her, Andrew's parents, myself and my kids for the heartache we mutually share. I'm so sorry.

I love you Mom. Thank you for everything. Thankfully, this lot is all within arm's reach. And that's exactly how my morning has been spent. Henry and Lottie have been sharing lap time with their Mom. I'm looking forward to Eliza walking through the door in half an hour and taking her place in that rotation.


Ami said...

Sara and I enjoyed reading this post together. I loved all of the pictures, and Sara loved all of the pictures of Mom. Everytime I would scroll down to the next picture, Sara would pop her fingers out of her mouth and exclaim, "Nana!" I'm sorry you're sad...I totally get it. :) Let's now turn our focus to a spring/summer vacation in South Carolina. Good luck, this week! XOXO

Audra said...

Your post was beautiful! I'm sorry she left! I hope you all continue doing well. You have a beautiful family!

*Jess* said...

I would love so much to bring you a meal! Let's talk soon to arrange it :)

Marci said...

You are amazing, and I miss your sweet family. Lets get together soon. Pleeasee? I could sure use some "ali medicne".