Thursday, February 3, 2011

proud new member

Needing a break away from the house, I found myself on an impromptu shopping trip. The glamorous destination for my late night getaway was (drum roll, please) Walmart. Typically, when I shop, I'm quite precise (*read anal*) in my grocery shopping preparations. My list is categorized into the sections of the store. That same list is kept in a sheet protector alongside my printed and clipped coupons. Sometimes, I even wear lipstick.

The tone of this evening's trip was entirely different. My hastily written shopping list was left behind on the counter. Thankfully, my barely charged cell phone was remembered. Andrew kindly obliged my request(s) to relay the information as I meandered through the store. But OH! The freedom to let my cart lead the way. I spent 5 minutes doing absolutely nothing in the scented candle aisle simply because I could! There were no children to contend with. The break, although I deemed it as "work" to garner my husband's appreciation, was refreshing.

Returning home to peaceably sleeping children was an added bonus. It was a little after 9:00 p.m. as Andrew and I begin to put away the cookies... I mean groceries. Feeling slightly embarrassed, I quietly mumble:

"I didn't realize until I was at Walmart that I was still wearing my sweats." The sound of Andrew's instantaneous laughter affirms that he's heard my admission. In a congratulatory tone he replies,

"That's awesome. You're in the, "I wear sweats to Walmart club!" He pauses a moment. "Don't worry, you're in good company." Despite my best efforts, I begin to giggle as hard as he is. Motioning to my bare feet he adds,

"At least you weren't wearing crocs" I gasp.

"But I was wearing my crocs, didn't you see?" The volume of his laughter increases. I try to fight of the intensity of the situation I'm reluctantly enjoying because...Oh. Too late.

"Ugh, I think I just pee'd my pants a little!" By the way. If anyone, especially a woman who has given birth, ever states, "I think I pee'd my pants" - that translates into, "I most definitely did..."

While standing, I awkwardly cross my legs in an attempt to regain control. My momentary success crumbles as he finishes off the conversation:

"That's okay, it goes with the outfit."


The DeGracie's said...

That is great! Wish I could have overheard that one! I "think I pee'd my pants" ALL the time! Just hope your picture wasn't taken and you end up all over the internet! :) You are way too far from that category anyway. Love you!

B-dizzle said...

See, Andrew is funny sometimes. I guess it is only when you can laugh at yourself with him as he is laughing at you. :) I think I might be glad a c-section might be the only way for me. I remember in high school a specific boy I had a crush on made me laugh (and still does) harder than anyone I met. As we were jumping on his tramp and laughing, I pee'd a little. I knew right then we were not destined to be with each other.

Catherine said...

I'm still laughing about this one as I read it a second classic, Ali! You make me smile, girl.

retrobec said...

Hahahahahaha!!! I laugh because I think I am a member of that club too.

Jennifer Anne said...

Just wait, at least you still care and notice that you went in your sweats... its when you don't think anything of it that you are really in the club! Someday we will have to go together!

Nikki said...

Oh man, thanks for the laugh! That is too funny and you are so brave for sharing. I have to admit that all that has happened to be too, so don't feel bad.

Nikki said...

Supposed to say: happened to *me* too, not be too.

JMW said...

Haha! You just described my life, although much more eloquently and humorously than I could have!

TaraLee said...

Highlight of my day!! i just love you and your writing!!