Forrest Daniel Flegal
18 months old
Sweet baby Forrest,
18 months have come and gone since your arrival. Looking back I feel a myriad of emotions; chief among them is gratitude. Close behind is the feeling of disbelief that your first year and a half cruised by so quickly. I feel like I need to preface this post with the tried and true disclaimer of "I am really tired right now" because I feel a mental block, a fog if you will, settling in as I try to articulate my thoughts on what makes you special and how cherished you truly are.
With three older siblings, it's part of the deal. Sometimes we luck out, but usually when it's something this ugly, a form of it shows up at some point. Besides illness, with three older siblings there is plenty of distraction to be had. Despite these moments of crazy, I have done my best to cherish your babyhood and be grateful for it. Even so, it is passing too darn quick.
As I acknowledge that we have daily moments of frustration and scenes of embarrassing chaos, I want to highlight the more important opposite. When I see you at play with your older brother and sisters a happiness, that I can't clearly describe, wells up inside of me reassuring me how right things are in our little world. When I rock you at bedtime, the big kids gather around your rocking chair and together they choose a song to sing to you. You are loved! Being a witness to my children loving each other is one of the greatest heavenly paybacks in the world.
My attention and time is divided among four needy, yet totally deserving, spirits of God. The benefit is that these same souls who you share your life with shower you with love and adoration. You know how to pull hair, fight over toys and can throw a mean Forrest size tantrum, but like me, the kids are quick to offer you forgiveness and eager to show you affection.
Reuniting with my pillow at the end of the day, it signals that I have crossed my daily finish line. As I evaluate the day, I often feel a sense of maternal failure. I try to combat this feeling with some mental words of encouragement, pray for help to be better and implement Elsa's advice to simply: let it go. Every once in awhile, I feel the need to fist pump my imaginary friends as I recall an ugly moment from my day when I exercised patience or recognized how good it felt to spend quality time with my babes. Either way, there is a constant thought that accompanies me to bed each night which is this: I am excited to wake up and see my baby Forrest ("But please Heavenly Father, please bless that it's after 7:00 a.m." Ha ha ha).
Its true. I love scooping you up each morning. Silently, you start to rapidly point. It's like you are testing me to see if my explanations can keep up with your finger's enthusiasm. You brace yourself for the moment when you'll find your siblings. After time away, they can't help themselves. They swarm you. Sometimes you love the attention, other days, you still need a few minutes to "wake up."
"Bye, bye Lottie!" It was as clear as day. And then, on Halloween as your dad passed out candy, you blurted out: "Trick or Treat!" This delights us so much and shocks us each time.
Sick baby Forrest on his way to the doctor's office
Forrest, letting me know that he wanted a scrambled egg,
proceeds to crack the egg himself.
Not pictured: the huge mess this left on my kitchen floor
You are by far my gutsy, most reckless, dangerous baby to date! You love to push the kitchen chairs so you can climb onto our stools, counters and tables. You also enjoy using these chairs to aid you onto the couch where you throw yourself onto the cushions. You repeat this over and over. I will be sitting near you and look over and notice that you are standing, so still, on the very mobile kitchen stool. At moments like that, I lose my breath entirely. You can safely slide down stairs and open all of our latch doors. Eliza has created a fantastic little barricade to prevent you from entering her bedroom. You enjoy letting yourself into a closet, or the garage, even if it's totally dark to do some exploring. You are curious; to put it simply.
When you want my attention, you knock, with a closed fist, on my lap, leg or arm. It just depends. It's really adorable. Other times you'll scream for me.
You love trucks and trains. You make the noise of a truck as you play which is pretty darn cute. We recently watched the garbage truck a few weeks ago. You were in complete awe.
You are wild about Daddy. It's fun to see how this relationship has blossomed. Last weekend, you were big enough to follow him around the yard as he did his outside chores. I love when my little boys start to shadow their Dad on a Saturday afternoon. It makes my heart sing.
First week of nursery
Your mouth is dark blue from eating a dum dum sucker.
I was struggling to get us out the door
and the sucker was a tempting idea to keep you occupied while I finished up.
As for nursery, you started going two weeks ago. I got a text from the nursery leader saying that Daddy had a harder time than you did that first week! To be honest, it's made my heart sad too as I like having my Sunday school pal. Your nursery leaders are both devoted and darling with you which makes me feel fortunate. I still will miss you. If you want to know what makes this the most hard is that as I go through these milestones, I have the mentality that you are our last baby. I don't know if that's true, but Dad sure seems to think so. That's how I've approached everything and instead of getting me excited for a diaper free existence and other freeing things to come, I feel real sad. I'm not saying I want to be pregnant, calm down Andrew. I have four kids who need a Mother who is mentally sound. I just enjoy my babies a lot.
Forrest, I love you so much. I'm so glad you are here. You continue to bring so much joy into our home. Please stay little an extra long time.
Andrew and I completed financial peace university. I highly recommend people do this. Forgive me for being persistent and annoying, but it was life changing in a major way. Go here to learn more.
I hope they remain close friends. For-ev-er.(said in Squints voice from the Sandlot)