Feel free to pass on this one, it won't hurt my feelings.
It is 2:10 pm and I am showered and dressed in something other than pajamas. That's a new record for me. Usually showers happen in the late evening, but today I made a ludicrous decision and skipped out on nap time. I laid in bed for forty minutes, completely exhausted, but was unable to fall asleep. When I feel the pressure of having to fall asleep "RIGHT NOW ," I can't.
Instead of laying in bed, I opted for a long shower and am now enjoying a few moments alone, child-free. I am catching up with myself via today's entry. It's totally going to be a long entry (depending on when my kids wake up) and for once, I am making no apologies, because this entry is mainly for me.
Unfortunately, I am already in need of a new shirt; not because of anything Henry sent flying my direction (wee-wee or spit-up) but because I pulled an "ali" and left a nice white streak of deodorant on the front of my clean, black t-shirt.
At least I remembered to put on deodorant.
Today is March 27th. It's a significant date considering it's the day I've been focused on for the last nine months. March 27th was my original "due date." Regardless of the fact that these past two weeks have been "challenging" (even now, that word seems too soft!), I am so thankful that Henry came when he did. The idea of not meeting him until today, makes me miss him.
I hesitate to describe the difficulties and challenges associated with these past two weeks because I fear that someone may misinterpret these thoughts as being ungrateful. I promise, that is not the case. I'm simply writing down how I am learning to be grateful for life's recent challenges.
I would say that I am an optimist by nature. I am quick to assure a friend over the phone that everything is "going great" - even if I am silently in tears because Eliza wants to be held while I'm nursing Henry. The reality is, motherhood is hard. With that being said, I believe that anything in life that's worthwhile - our greatest joys - requires sacrifice and work. Isn't it true that you love those you serve the most?
**My thoughts aren't meshing and/or blending, but that's ok. I'm going to play the "tired" card again.
It's true that every pregnancy and labor experience is different - even for the same woman. What I didn't think much about until now, is that the six week "post-partum" period can also be different from a previous experience.
Henry is an excellent baby. I don't know if I can classify him as being an "easier baby" because I've experienced a newborn before or if his temperament is simply more mellow than his older sisters... maybe it's a combination of both.
Thinking back to the days following Eliza's delivery, I remember being plagued with a never ending case of mastitus, among other physical complaints (the first bowel movement, anyone?). Overall, I remember feeling physically rotten for a long stretch of time. Seven weeks after giving birth to Eliza, I had surgery to remove my gallbladder and the process of recovery began again.
Because of these memories, I was dreading the thought of my physical recovery. However, I am PLEASED to say that physically, I bounced back quickly after giving birth to Henry. In part, I attribute this to being a mother of two. You don't have much "time out" time after the second child arrives. I was up on my feet, chasing after Eliza, lifting her into her high chair, etc - moments after arriving home. In the hospital, I was left to fend for myself when Andrew had to leave for class or when he left to spend the night at home with Eliza. I had to push myself sooner and I think that helped.
Another difference is the insane amount of rotten luck/poor timing that we've been dealt.
- An absent husband. Poor Andrew is being pulled in thirty five different directions...
- His senior design project deadline is quickly approaching. As the team leader, he is trying to live up to expectations that he has set for his team and stay on top of his responsibilities so that the project can move forward.
- Job interviews - I've spent three nights alone caring for a newborn as he's been out of state. One of those nights, Eliza decided to pull a fast one on me and woke up at 1:00 am. Isn't that Henry's job?
- Last night, Andrew was scheduled to return home from an interview up in Idaho at 7:00 pm. Long story short, his flight was canceled, so he spent another night away while I tended to a traumatized Henry who was circumsized yesterday evening. Poor Henry.
- Scouting - why is he worrying about going to Scouts? Good question.
- Employee - he hates missing work, period.
I am not coming down on him or trying to send him a guilt trip. I know he misses his kids and that he aches to help me. When he is home, life is great. I am all smiles and feel like I can accomplish anything. His schedule should slow down in the upcoming weeks. The optimist in me is saying that the worst is over.
- Eliza had a devilish fever for two days. An ill toddler is a recipe for instant clingyness (not a word, I know). She and I need solid cuddle time each day anyway, but to have to put her down when she was sick to console an upset newborn, ripped my heart out. She missed out on a week of cousin festivities and was kept inside despite nice weather.
- The final difficulty or public murmur is in regards to the emotional storm that follows the birth of a baby; the baby blues. This isn't a topic I read about on other "new mom" blogs, so I'd be curious to know, how many of my friends have struggled with some degree of depression or "bluesyness" as a result of hormones and sleep deprivation.
Every woman is different. For me, the first few days is when I feel an intense amount of unnecessary sadness. I am thankful that nurses and my OB explained the possibility prior to being released from the hospital. This time, my depression was heightened because I worried that Eliza was going to suffer from a decrease in my attention and the fact that I really felt crippled without having my own laundry machine (silly, I know).
In the midst of my "trials," I find myself praying with more fervor. This pleading combined with my faith, has allowed the Lord to bless me. I find myself recognizing and expressing thanks for small tender mercies as well as the more obvious of blessings.
There have been days where I would pray for someone to be inspired to help and not long after, I would receive a text message from my sister-in-law, Katie, asking if she could come and take Eliza to the park.
My Mom...has been my hero and my life preserver on the days where I felt like I might drown. In addition to grocery shopping for me 4 times a week, doing a load of laundry (picking it up, dropping it off) daily, and babysitting Eliza - she listens to me and offers needed words of support. Last night when I received the phone call from Andrew that he wouldn't be making it home, she offered to stay over. I told her to sleep well at home so she could help with Eliza in the morning if needed.
By the time she left, she was covered in a horrible batch of spit up and urine. She helped me with the first diaper change that followed Henry's above mentioned medical procedure. She held him as I put Eliza to bed and then when Eliza screamed for me to come back, she patiently tucked her back in. That is one of the hundreds of acts of service she has rendered on my behalf. I hope that I am giving to my children as she gives to all of her kids.
I'm thankful for friends like Keersten who went above and beyond to make my birthday special ; and to Laura for bringing me a bag of peanut butter M&M's (and dinner) that I'd dig into whenever Henry pee'd on me. Let's not forget Samye, a blogging friend, who unexpectedly sent Henry an outfit in the mail. Thanks Samye, I will be sending a proper thank you card, I promise!
I'm especially thankful for a patient husband who handles my mood swings like a gentleman and without passing judgment. I am thankful for his willingness to help during the night and for the needed Priesthood blessings during difficult moments.
What humbles me most and causes me the deepest feelings of gratitude, is the fact that my two children are healthy. I don't want to be insensitive to those who have children that are struggling with serious illness or to my family, friends and acquaintances who have lost babies. That level of grief and sadness is at a level that I've never known or experienced. Because of this awareness, not a day or moment goes by that I don't thank the Lord for their well being and pray that it will continue.
Eliza is in need of a play-mate, so I will conclude this edition of "ali's overshare" by saying that I love, love, love my family. Little Henry calms me in a very special way. I'm so happy he is here.
Not that baby, but my goodness he's cute. We'll keep him!!
Our double stroller arrived!!! It needs a name. Before it's named, it needs a gender... Considering how "tough looking" our stroller is, my immediate thought is to choose a female name. Naturally.
(My Mama can be so dramatic. Strawberry anyone?)
Excuse me, Eliza... what's so funny? Ah, that's right. There is a load of snow outside. Why she thinks that's funny, I'm not sure. Perhaps, it's a coping mechanism. But yes, she is right. It looks like I might be writing another letter of complaint to Mother Nature...
Eliza's taken up, "extreme bouncing" - I have a video of her in action that I will soon post. I should probably require that she wear a helmet before engaging in such extreme sports. But this activity helps battle toddler wiggles.
Another favorite pastime, eating. 
Developing an unhealthy bond with the TV is another way our time is spent... more specifically, Eliza (with the help of our DVD player) has created an obsession with Thomas the Train. As a result, Eliza has a deep rooted bond with her Thomas boots or her "Choos!!" as she lovingly refers to them. She wears them everyday. It's a miracle I got her to wear her Sunday shoes to Church yesterday.
I was excited that Eliza was the first to dive into my Mom's dress-up's yesterday. She hasn't expressed much of a preference for anything "girly." However, she picked out her tinker bell outfit and wore it all night ... along with her boots of course. 
As for Henry, he is content passing the time by sleeping and allowing people to stare at him. At least that's one of my favorite things to do (and Andrews).
...hold and look at Henry.
