2 Cow Wife

Andrew had plans to spend Saturday in Columbia with the youth of the ward, serving in the temple. Compared to temple trips in Utah, the time it takes is more involved. Simply put, we left the Church at 9:15 a.m. and didn't return home until 5:00 p.m.

Not wanting to spend Saturday without Andrew, I invited the kids and myself to tag along. After clearing it with other leaders, we added three bubbly teenage girls to our car and set off. Until a conversation with one of the girls, I've never labeled myself as being "old." I'm a young, still with-it, Mom.

"Can I put this picture of Henry on my facebook page?" the camera happy teenager asked.

"Sure thing. Just make sure you add me as a friend and then tag me in the picture. It's a cute one."

"Sister Flegal?! You actually have a facebook account?" Like really? You even know what facebook is?!

It made me laugh. I'm not outdated yet, am I? As a parent, you hear yourself saying phrases that your parents used and laugh to yourself as their mannerisms begin to manifest in your own actions. And now, Andrew and I see ourselves evolving into the leaders that used to shuttle our own little bums around. It's weird to be on the other side of the coin.

I dropped off Andrew at the temple. With the GPS in place, I safely navigated the children to the zoo. It was a glorious day. The weather hit 81 degrees. With that being said, the zoo was PACKED. I'd approximate that 40 minutes passed before we actually made it in. Parking was a nightmare. Not wanting to take my eyes off of my kids, I didn't make picture taking a priority while we were there.

We met Andrew two hours later, went out for pizza with the youth and then made the drive back home. Despite the happiness of the day, my children's health began to deteriorate. Eliza had plenty of energy for the zoo, but their identical coughs and runny noses seemed to worsen as the weekend progressed.

After our marathon day in the car, Andrew wanted to take a walk around the neighborhood. Our friends, Gabe & Melissa, joined us for two laps. Plans to BBQ on Sunday were made, which meant that I needed to make a quick run to the store that night.

As I waited for Andrew to come downstairs to take over the care of our children, I finished making my shopping list. Rounding up my purse, I hear my cell phone ring. It was Andrew.

"Ali!" He breathes with excitement.

"Aren't you upstairs?" I question.

"No. I'm not. I saw out our window two of those Rhino ATVs. " He probably provided me with a detailed description of the exact make and model of the ATV but that information most certainly flew in one ear and out the other.

"The two riders FLEW down our street. They could have easily taken out a small child."

"Okay." I wait for him to continue.

"Gabe's on his way down to talk to them." Our neighborhood has a second phase that's about to open for future building. The mounds of cleared land appeals to off-roaders.

"Good for Gabe. Please come home. I need to get to the store. The kids need a bath so they can go to sleep."

"Ali." His tone implies that no matter what my request, his mission to be the neighborhood hero is more important.

"Gabe might need back up." And with that, our melodramatic conversation ends. Andrew proceeds to seek out the rebels. Mentally, he prepares a firm lecturing. Looking somewhat sheepish, he returns home a while later.

"And? How did it go?" I ask. He doesn't respond.

"Well? Did you find the guys?"

"Ya."

"Did you get mad at them?"

"No, not really."

"Why not?!" Genuinely, I am surprised. He had meant business before.

"They were girls." I start to laugh. That explains it.

"We told them not to go fast on our street and warned them that the cops had most likely been called on them. Gabe told them that he hoped they had a good exit plan."

"I guess Gabe didn't need to use his golf club after all." I laugh.

Later on that night, I reflect on the minor incident.

"Were the girls hot?" I bluntly ask.

"Girls?" Confused by the question, Andrew looks over at me. "What girls?"

"The girls you confronted tonight with Gabe?"

"Oh" The expression in his face gives it away. They were good looking! I knew it.

"They weren't bad looking." He quietly says. Worried that I'll be jealous, he downplays it.

"Oh come on! They must have been really cute for you to have come home with your tail between your legs."

"Well, it's like... they had mud on their faces and stuff." Beautiful girls, off roading in the mud. How could that have not appealed to my husband! Don't worry, he's as faithful as the come. But, I'm not ready to let the conversation die.

"On a scale of 1-10, what would you say they were?"

"A six." He follows up with, "Compared to you Ali...you're like a nine... nine and a half."

If I had been drinking milk, it would have come back up and out my nose. I'm a nine and a half? Aren't all husbands supposed to lie and tell their wives that they're an eleven on a scale of 1-10? All night, I kept thinking of Jonny Lingo. I'm like, the two cow wife. Or maybe I'm the wife that just looks like a cow? I'm not quite sure :) I appreciate the man's honesty. We had a good laugh.